I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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