I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
