Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
