I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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