I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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