My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
