Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
