Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
