There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
