I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
