he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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