1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
