she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
