i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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