so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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