When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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