My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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