just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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