you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
