I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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