i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me I should be a condom model.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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