I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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