i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
