I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
