new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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