Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
