I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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