So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
