I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
