No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
