i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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