You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
