Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
