Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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