I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
