The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
