I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
