Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
