You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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