i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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