I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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