The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You took a bar mat shot.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
