He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
