Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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