fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
