Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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