watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
a search helicopter?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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