You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
