OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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