Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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