My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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