im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
